You are called for so much more!!

Before Esther turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she

had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments

prescribed for the women, six months in oil of myrrh and

six with perfumes and cosmetics. And this is how she

would go to the king…”

Esther 2:12-13

I have always been amazed at the kind of preparation

that the future queen Esther had to go through before

she was able to come before King Xerxes. Would

any of us want to go through twelve months of beauty

treatments before meeting the man of our dreams? Probably

not, but then again, imagine the possibilities. One year set

aside for one sole purpose – becoming all you can be for the

one you love the most.

Precious time to cultivate beauty, to

make an investment in education and etiquette, to strengthen

virtue, and build character.

The preparation of Esther reminds me of that

precious time between the awakening of desire in a young

woman’s heart to share her life with a mate and the

moment she walks down the aisle. For many, this time of

preparation is seen as nothing more than a time of waiting.

Single women often see themselves as sitting on the shelf

while life passes them by, or as sitting on the bench while

others play the game. They do not realize that they are

wasting the most important time of their lives, they are

robbing themselves of great joy and reward, they are

robbing their future husbands of a more virtuous woman,

and they are robbing God of a servant through whom He

desires to do great things.

As Esther had to be prepared before she could be queen

of an entire realm, so the woman must be prepared before

she can embark on one of the most important and difficult

callings in life – marriage and motherhood. Esther had to

learn the ways of the kingdom to which she belonged, she had

to learn the manners of court life, the intellectual, emotional

and spiritual challenges of high position. To put it simply,

Esther had to be transformed from a young lady into a queen

before she could wear the title and fulfill the role. In the same

way, the single Christian woman must learn the ways of the

Kingdom of Heaven before she ever unites with the one that

God is preparing for her. She must be prepared intellectually,

emotionally and spiritually, not by court attendants in

some pagan temple, but by God Himself, His Word, and by

other godly women who have been prepared before her.

Singleness is not a waste of time or a sitting on the sidelines,

but a time that God has set aside especially for the

woman, to make her into what He wants her to be, and to use

her in ways that just might be impossible after marriage. Singleness

is a time in which a woman is to cultivate the virtues that

pertain to being a woman of God, so that she can offer to her

future husband and the world something more than just a

pretty face.

Remember in your singleness that you are not the only

one single, but your future husband is passing through the

same stage as you. Would it not be a terrible thing to finally

meet the man who is to become your husband only to find

out that he has used his singleness to serve God and to prepare

himself to be a better husband for you. And yet you did

not use the freedom of your singleness to serve the Lord, nor

did you take advantage of the training that God offered you?

Would it not also be a terrible thing to realize that your

husband spent his days as a single man praying daily for your

needs and the work of God in your life, while you neither

prayed for him, nor responded to the grace of God that was

given you as a result of his prayers.

It is a wonderful thing when God blesses a woman with a

husband. That special someone who is “just perfect” for her

in that he has been carefully and thoughtfully designed by

God to be united as one with her. It is such a joy for the

woman to look back and remember how God enabled her to

wait on Him and that He was faithful to bless. It is still an even

greater joy for her to know that her time as a single woman

was also a time of seeking God and being faithful to Him and

His purpose. That she did not for one moment wish to flee

that state, but desired only to trust in God and wait upon His

gracious sovereignty.

By no means is it a tragedy to be a single Christian woman,

but the way of the world has once again infiltrated Christianity

with the false idea that it is. One of the greatest lies is that

if you do not “have someone” or are not “actively looking”,

there is something wrong with you. Another lie is that the

single woman should be dating around as though looking for

a husband were the same as shopping in a mall. Still another

even stronger lie is that the single woman should be giving her

affections away indiscriminately so that she may be more “experienced”

and know what to do when she finally finds the

man of her choice. My dear Christian, it is a lie and an

affront to God to say that experience is the best teacher, when

in fact it is God who is the best teacher, and though the

world’s motto is “live and learn”, the Bible’s advice is “learn

and live”. You do not need to be experienced, you only need

to be knowledgeable of what God has said and obedient to it.

You should not be looking for the man of your choice, but

should be waiting on the man of God’s choice. And when he

comes, it will not be past experiences that will make your

marriage work, but past chastity, purity, and godliness. We

should hide our faces from the ways and experiences of this

wicked world and look upon only those things that God has

placed in the path He has prepared for us.

God knows exactly what you need and He even knows

the desires of your heart better than you do. God loves

surprises. He does not want you to be looking for your

husband, He wants to bring him to you, and probably at a

time you least expect it. If you disobey this advice, as so

many other women before you, and take it upon yourself

to look for a mate, you may find someone, but chances are

that someone you find will not be the right one.

As women, our nature desires the company and companionship

of a man. This is from God and therefore good.

But at the same time, we are wrong to think that death will be

the result if this need is not fulfilled. Needing another as a

companion is not like needing to take your next breath of air.

That is, you can survive without companionship, at least until

God has done His perfect work in you. Remember the Scripture,

“God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond

what you can bear.” (I Corinthians 10:13)

I have found that there are two primary reasons why

someone “desperately” needs someone else. First of all, it is

because they do not know God as they should. Is God not

the God of all comfort? Is not Christ the exalted Lord who

fills all things everywhere? Then why do we complain about

how empty and alone we feel? Could it be that God extends

our time of singleness so that we might find our life in Him

and learn to be complete in Him? If we seek to be married

because we feel that a husband will fill our lives or will in some

way make us complete, we will be sorely disappointed in our

marriage. No man, no matter how Christ-like could ever take

the place of God in our lives, to think such a thing is pure

idolatry. If we are not filled by God now and complete in

Christ in the present, then not even a marriage made in heaven

will be able to change our emptiness.

The second reason for desperately needing someone in

our lives is plain selfishness. When we need someone in order

to feel loved, or when we need someone so that our feelings of

loneliness might dissipate, then we are wanting marriage for

all the wrong reasons. Marriage should not be looked upon

as an opportunity to have our needs met, but as an opportunity

to meet the needs of another. If we have not learned to

take our own needs to God, then we will probably overwhelm

our husbands with our own needs and be unaware of his. I

have known Christian women who spent their days consumed

with their own needs and constantly lamenting about why

God had not brought someone into their life. But why should

God entrust a godly man to a woman that is absorbed in

herself and her own needs, and does not use the freedom of

her singleness to serve God and prepare herself for His purposes?

Such a woman would have little to offer a godly husband!

My dear friend, being single, like being married should be

considered a very special and enjoyable time in the providence

of God. It should not be considered a mere circumstance or

a curse from which one should try desperately to flee. Being

single is a time to learn of God and of ourselves, a time to

discover who we are in Christ, and to grow in Christlikeness.

It is a time to be zealous for good works and involved in

ministry to others. Being single has a magic of its own that

should be enjoyed in its time because once passed it may not

return. There is nothing quite so sad as a woman now married

who regrets what she could have been and done with her

life while single. All was lost for the sake of hurrying to be

married without consideration for the plan or work of God.

Every season in life has a beauty and wonder of its

own. My prayer for all single Christian women is that they

might enjoy their time in spite of the lies of the world. That

they might be demanding and not settle for anything less

than the perfect will of God. That they might wait patiently

on God who is the giver of every good and perfect gift.

That they might be like Esther, using whatever time God

deems necessary to make them beautiful on the inside and out.


Yours ,

Lincy Hepsiba

( An extract from Paul Washer’s Blog)


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